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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed glossary to the words gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {